The Mumbai Diaries

Slot 0 summers, slot 0 summers – over!

The result – no PPO, i.e. by the unofficial standards – failed.

It’s a different question whether that no PPO was a product of my poor performance in the internship, or was it just the company that is in no mood to hire right now. It really doesn’t matter at the end of the day, because when some of my friends, some of my batch mates would be taking life by its horns with a PPO in their hand, I would have to sit in my room, studying, preparing for the finals, building CV points!

As I approach the end of my internship, life starts to look like a journey without a destination. The first few months of my IIM life was all about securing a good summer internship. The next few months went by looking forward to the coveted slot 0 internship that I bagged. During my internship, my first few weeks were spent looking forward to, apart from the internship itself, my return to Joka, to its carefree life. Now the internship is about to last just two weeks more. The return date to Joka has started looking more real. The internship chapter of my life is about to draw its conclusion.

I always knew this company does not give a PPO. I knew that right from the time I got selected. But that never struck me as a reality. Now, it seems to be looking into my eyes. The depressed market, the traditional absence of high paying finance companies from the final placements, my not-so-great CGPA (unlikely to become the so-great CGPA by the time of placements) make this feeling even worse. Would I land up with a good job? Would it pay me well? Would it me in a company and area of my interest? I don’t know, and I am really not optimistic about it.

It’s not just the job, it’s my entire life. What is your aim in life? I don’t know, I have never thought about it. In the rush of competitive exams and never ending milestones, I have never planned my life beyond a year. Now that I hardly have any more competitive exams to take, and with only a few milestones ahead, this thought has started bothering me again. What should I do with my life? Should I just take a job, and then hop to a better one, then to an even better one and so on? What is my dream job? What is my priority sector? (Not because it is “hot” and “glamorous”, but because I like it). What is my long term goal in life? Is it job? Or is it something else like academia or entrepreneurship? What about my personal life? I am 22, and I don’t even have a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex, leave aside anything else. The person I loved the most is not interested in me. Our “relation” is limited to an occasional SMS or a 15 minutes conversation over the phone roughly once in a month.

I don’t know what has happened to me. I don’t know why I am thinking about all these things all of a sudden. May be because of the realisation that I have already avoided these questions as much as I could, may be because now these questions demand an answer. I wish I could at least have a clue how to solve these riddles. But I have none. For the first time in my life, I find myself helpless. For the first time in my life, I have got nothing. I am broke!

Seven Reasons why Knight Riders Rock !!

And finally KKR rocks for deciding to drop the "Kolkata" from its name which has been speculated to be a harbinger of the franchise's shift from the city. Kolkata has suffered through the famine of 1942, Direct Action Day of 1946, decades of Left front rule, Mamata Banerjee and Moonmoon Sen. Our tormentors never seem to want to leave us, no matter how hard we pray. However Knight Riders has been refreshingly different. So a sincere expression of gratitude to the franchise for being kind enough to spare us the joy of being represented by it.

The Link to the Complete Article

At the other side of the year...

What date was it? 16th of June? or was it 17th? No, it was 16th, I am sure. The day I arrived at Joka. Yet another campus, yet another degree, yet another platform for battle. I remember, on that day my mind kept on drifting back to the past, my days in school, my days in college, my first day away from home, amidst total strangers. This is what I wrote in my journal that night:-

Today, on my first evening at the IIM campus, or at "Joka" as it is popularly known, memories flash by infront of my eyes. Memories of struggles. The sight of a kid sitting in a rented room in the rural Purulia. The image of that kid sweating in the scorching summer in power cut, but still studying. The memories of the kid getting nightmares of failures and jeers. And now that kid is sitting on another table and writing this. 

So far, all I have learnt is, life is fair, irrespective of what people might say. People get exactly what they deserve - no more, no less. Those who work hard and still fail to succeed do so probably because they dont think well, or strategise hard.

Now, at the end of my first year in IIMC, I am more of a manager. I have seen a lot of difficult times in these months, times that have tested me, stretched me beyond my limits, leaving me to discover that they were not my limits after all. I have made new friends, I have learnt new ways to live life. Never in this last one year did I want all this to end, not once. Not even on days when I got no sleep for over 60 hours, not even on days when half the batch criticised my decisions as a student representative. I could find a learning in each and every situation this place put me through, and this explains how much of a value add this place has been to me.

Tonight is practically the last night for our batch as freshers. Yes, there are official deadlines, but then, not all things can be defined in an academic calendar!

N97 Once Spake !!

Phew!! What a day it was. Roy was in this very important meeting, pitching his new idea to the client. I was busy running the show for him, you know, excel sheets, powerpoints and stuff! Suddenly, Archana, his wife sent a message that Hrishikesh won't eat! Ohh btw, Hrishikesh is Roy's little baby. He is soo cute! Roy loves him a lot! I can tell because he has thousands of photos of the baby stored in me. Last night, I shot the video of the baby laughing and playing. Roy was so excited. He won't stop playing the video over and over again! Thanks to my long battery life, it hardly effected my performance in the presentation.

So, I told Roy that his baby won't eat. Thankfully the meeting was nearing its end. As soon as it got over, Roy asked me to connect him to his baby. I did (of course!). Then, Roy told this amazing story to the baby where this prince and his pet ghost (a good one, not the one that does boo! I don't like those ghosts!). Guess what the baby became so happy when he saw Roy. 

I feel sad for Roy. Stuck in this rat race, running behind deadlines and promotions. I really wish, and I know he does too, that he could spend more time with his family. I heard Roy saying to someone that he wants to take his baby to the park every evening like his dad would take him to the park. But then, Roy hardly gets off work before 8 pm. I do everything I can to help Roy out. Thats what friends are there for. Right?

Friday Night ...

As I lay on the roof on a chilly winter night, gazing at the lone star in the foggy sky, I thought about the last week and what it had taught me! The last week has been particularly interesting in my 6 month long stay in Joka. I had learnt some valuable lessons on both the positive and negative sides of human beings.

As of now, I hold two portfolios in my college - a member of the students council, and the head of ISG (the cyber group). ISG, from the very first day, has been an wonderful experience for me. ISG has given me something that I had always wanted - a chance to use my programming skills for the benefit of others. Now that I am the head, I have the opportunity to lead a group of very motivated people. Everyone in the college agrees that ISG is the most active group on campus! 

I saw the negative side as a member of the Students council.  I saw how dirty fights can get between people, I saw how people can bury their ethics in the graveyard of practicality. I saw how matters apparently personal become so big for people! At one point in time, I really wanted to quit. I would rather sit in my room, jobless, than handling all these!

But thats the fun with college. It exposes you to all kinds of challenges. It makes you ready for the world. It shows you a prototype of your life, something that you would lead for the next 40 or 50 or 60 years! So, as I lay up on the roof, watching the lone star, I thanked it for giving me this opportunity, this learning, this exposure. Friday night, huh !! 

डरपोक हो तुम

सच का सामना करने से बचते हो तुम
जो भी हो डरपोक हो तुम

बस निर्दोष पे वार करते हो तुम
जो भी हो डरपोक हो तुम

सामने आते नेही, छुप छुप के निशाना लगाते हो
कहते हो शेर का, पर चूहे का दिल रखते हो तुम
जो भी हो डरपोक हो तुम

ग़लत करके भी ख़ुद पे गर्व करते हो तुम
जो भी हो डरपोक हो तुम

इंसानियत को शर्मिन्दा करते हो तुम
जो भी हो डरपोक हो तुम

अपनो से पूछो वे क्या सोचते हैं तुम्हारे बारे में
यही सोचते हैं, की बहुत डरपोक हो तुम

- Courtesy: Radio Mirchi

I let it go - again !!

I don't know whether I should praise myself for cracking a day 0 offer (the most coveted thing in my college), or whether I should criticize myself for once again going with the herd and neglecting what I really wanted. 

What did I want? Well, for over the last five years, I have wanted to be associated with the software industry, be it in the form of an engineer or a manager. And I have always found an excuse for denying myself that demand of mine. Be it because of a bearish IT industry or be it because of yet better options - each time I came close to fulfilling my dream, I have only moved farther away.

Lots of people in my college would probably kill for the offer that I have got, and that is my sole consolation, sole defence. But in doing so, I have missed probably my last chance to follow my dream. As of now, I am "successful" in worldly terms, but still my heart denies that accolade !!