"... don't walk into my footsteps. It is a horrible and painful journey. "
Well, the journey so far hasn't truly being pleasant. Believe me, its very very painful. You feel lonely, even in a crowd of your friends and acquaintances. It seems as if anything and everything that is happy in your surroundings is mocking you. Every little incident, however unimportant it may be, reminds you of those pages of your past that you would prefer to tear off.
I don't mind the pain, really, because this is my punishment for being horribly mistaken. And as a student of communication engineering, I realize how much a wrong estimation is penalized. So, I have learnt to live with the pain. However, something that bothers me the most is, after completing my "sentence", how much will I change? And I don't see any good changes on the cards. I fear, this awful experience of mine will turn me into a cynic. Nowadays, when I see movies or read novels, and whenever I come across a happy event in any of them, my reaction is like, "huh! like that could ever happen!!" I now have problems in coming to terms with any good thing happening to any one, be it even me! I blankly stare at problems that I successfully solve, in disbelief - "Now how could that happen!"
I have no idea of what I will become after passing through this sentence, this stage in life. But all I know is, I will have only myself to blame for all this. How could I not foresee this, how could I not consider failure to this magnitude. May be because, I never imagined I would fail, for I even today fail to realize, where I was mistaken, where exactly I went wrong. In the trial, the prosecutor did not even care to turn up, leave aside speaking. It was only me and me alone, shouting, pleading, frantically running here and there. And then, I was sentenced!
I object ... Your Honor !!
Well, the journey so far hasn't truly being pleasant. Believe me, its very very painful. You feel lonely, even in a crowd of your friends and acquaintances. It seems as if anything and everything that is happy in your surroundings is mocking you. Every little incident, however unimportant it may be, reminds you of those pages of your past that you would prefer to tear off.
I don't mind the pain, really, because this is my punishment for being horribly mistaken. And as a student of communication engineering, I realize how much a wrong estimation is penalized. So, I have learnt to live with the pain. However, something that bothers me the most is, after completing my "sentence", how much will I change? And I don't see any good changes on the cards. I fear, this awful experience of mine will turn me into a cynic. Nowadays, when I see movies or read novels, and whenever I come across a happy event in any of them, my reaction is like, "huh! like that could ever happen!!" I now have problems in coming to terms with any good thing happening to any one, be it even me! I blankly stare at problems that I successfully solve, in disbelief - "Now how could that happen!"
I have no idea of what I will become after passing through this sentence, this stage in life. But all I know is, I will have only myself to blame for all this. How could I not foresee this, how could I not consider failure to this magnitude. May be because, I never imagined I would fail, for I even today fail to realize, where I was mistaken, where exactly I went wrong. In the trial, the prosecutor did not even care to turn up, leave aside speaking. It was only me and me alone, shouting, pleading, frantically running here and there. And then, I was sentenced!
I object ... Your Honor !!
3 comments:
Rahul....its not expected from you that you will face life in a way like this....cmon man...wake up...fight it
hey this doesn't look like the rdg i know !!!(though i don't claim to understand him or know him very well but still i know him atleast this much :) )
"In the trial, the prosecutor did not even care to turn up, leave aside speaking. It was only me and me alone, shouting, pleading, frantically running here and there. And then, I was sentenced!"
You have been given a verdict.And you know that someone (not necessarily you) is mistaken. So, Forget all those things which happened and which led you to this. Now start your new life. I pray for your paradise which is definitely in the offing.
Amen!
-Vishwa Deepak 'tanha'
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