One day, I met Relation

And this is what she had to say in her support after being accused
of being the root of grief and suffering.

Hello! you might not know who I am;
One clue - you hate me! Still in dark?
I am the one you accuse as a harbinger of grief
a solicitor of suffering, an advocate of pain.
Its me, I melt faster than snow.

How fake is your heart! how flimsy is your decision!
I fail once and you leave no effort to curse me.
Dont you know, its me who holds the Universe together?
Dont you fancy that I have taught you how to live?
that I have given you a cause to do the same?
that you are you because of me?

Is this justice?
One failure and you throw me away?
How feeble are you,
to overlook the glory of a thousand splendid suns
in the darkness of one cloudy night?

How stupid are you, not to realize
that nights follow days,
and days follow nights - this is nature's law
I am as powerless in front of it, as are you

Yet, you blame me, and alas!
I cant even complain!

The fallen Winter

I did not complain
the day when my heart failed me
or the day I found myself alone in a sea of people
even the times when I was so burdened by expectations
that I found I could hardly breathe

I did not complain
the winter when others smelt promises in the air
and I found nothing but rejection, guilt and agony
or the spring when every one was falling in love
and I was trying to run away from memories

I did not complain
when I kept deceiving my own self
or the time I restrained myself to painful asceticism
even when words betrayed me
and I felt so overwhelmed by feelings - I wished I could cry

No, I did not complain, object or accuse any one
neither did I claim my share of happiness

Shubho Bijoya

Its all over. With the dhakis playing their dhaks on their way back to their villages, with the decorators dismantling the gigantic pandals, with the idols floating back to their unknown destination in the Ganges, yet another Durga Puja had come to an end. I remember the first time I went to see the visarjan with my father. When we returned from the immersion ghat, and were headed towards home to start the celebrations of bijaya, we were passing across the para pandal when I noticed a single lamp burning on the dais, the same place where ma durga ruled with her children for the past four days. Ironically, the solitary lamp seemed to be the only entity valid in a place which would hardly have any room to even stand few hours ago. Noticing that, not many bengalis can hold back their tears.

This would happen year after year. This year, I was so busy with my engagements, I hardly had any time to realize it was autumn again. Even after returning home for the festival, I did not seem to feel the charm, the magic, the festive fever. It was as if, "oh ok! yet another Pujo, big deal!". Even during those four days, I went out visiting the pandals with my cousins just for the sake of it. I did enjoy the vacation and rest and everything, but hardly felt anything special. And before I knew, it was dashami again. This time also, we went to the immersion ghat. And then again, while returning, I happened to come across the solitary lamp again! And yet again, I felt a pang of grief. But this time I was hardly involved in the whole thing, at least emotionally. But perhaps, it was my roots, my origin that denied to be left out! It was a different feeling altogether. I was cautious not to let a tear roll down my cheeks, for then people might make fun of me!

Its hard to be an introvert and be emotional!