15 August 2007

My Tryst with "Matka"s.

Matka - (mat' kaaaaaa.... ) 1. N. Master of Technology Students of IITs. Coined by the B.Tech (undergraduate) students of IIT Kharagpur.
2. Adj. Very Stupid creature, not necessarily human.

Warning: Calling any one "matka", specially if he/she is not one, might lead to loss of life or property. Also, as per the directive of the Supreme Court of India, the attacker (who was called matka, by mistake) cannot be prosecuted!

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the definition of "Matka". This term would have been included in Oxford dictionary long back, even before "lathicharge", but apparently, one of the person in charge of inclusion was a "Matka" once in IIT Kharagpur! Well, thus you can see that having IITians in top ranks world over is not always a pleasant thing!

My experience with "Matka" in IIT was so far restricted only to labs, where these creatures would take extreme pleasure to see us in trouble. And not many would disagree to the fact that lab hours could have been really enjoyable, but for these matkas. Its like, you are having your viva, and your professor has run out of questions and in a while, perhaps would have started asking nursery rhymes, when a matka barges in and starts asking stuff that, I bet, even he doesn't know! And you end up getting C in lab. Consider another case, when you have submitted a lab report, and in KGP, lab reports are prepared in the last moment, its not that we are lazy, but we take pride in the fact that we can complete magnanimous amounts of task in enviably short time, with the strained voice of Atif Aslam in the background reminding us of our distance from civilization, "dooooriiieeeee"! So, consider a situation where you have prepared a 10 page report in 30 minutes (well thats the time you get between lunch and lab!), with tables and graphs and crap. In the lab, with a sense of pride and self satisfaction, you submit the report. An hour later, a matka calls you (it took the matka one hour to figure out what you have written!) and says that, you did not put the scale in your graph, and you get a C, again!

But that was not it! In my final year, I had to take PG electives, that is, I would do my classes with the first year matkas (its a shame you cant ask for their "intro" or take their OP, now see, whats the fun without that?). And let me tell you, sincerely, from personal experience, Matkas are dull! They are, in some respect, even duller that George W. Bush! Firstly, they keep on standing up while answering or asking a question in a 30 strong class! They also keep standing up while giving attendance, and man! they attend classes every single day! Not Satisfied with these, the Matkas keep asking stupid questions in class, something that even a kid would figure out. Also, if a Professor does a mistake while writing a formula or an equation, it takes the Matkas full 10 minutes to figure that out, and once they do, they start shouting like crazy, as if in a race, who could point that out the fastest! I mean, grow up kids!

And lets not talk about their understanding of the subjects, some of them could even make Einstein look stupid, all they need is an aureole, and you could paint them and put those paintings up in a temple and worship! Once, a professor asked, how would you plot the probability density function of a sampled speech signal. Its very simple, really. You normalize the speech signal, break up the amplitude range into class intervals and go on ticking the proper class interval whenever you encounter a sample. At the end, you plot the curve! Leave aside answering to the professors question, half of the class raised their hands when the professor asked "who can't plot the pdf now?", after having explained the whole thing two times over! And to say, they are graduates in electronics engineering, or rather, they are electronics engineers!

Now I know, why graduates from IITs do not prefer to complete their Masters here. Its perhaps the aversion to the classrooms, where these matkas would once sit that drives them out after graduation, not only from the institute, but from the country altogether!

Disclaimer: Author does not intend to hurt the sentiments of any communities, other than Matkas, but since they are dull, they would take more than a year to realize that its them the author has written about! Also, for the readers who are dual degree students, the author wishes to clarify that they are not referred to as matkas here. Only the two year M.Techs are eligible for this grand title!


aphrodite said...

good one :D..rendered more intelligent by the disclaimer :P

Unknown said...

Better abolish M.Tech. and Ph.D. programs from the IIT system and create a parallel post graduate/ research constellation under the onus of institutes like IISc.

Indian said...

Well written :-)
- A matka

Anonymous said...

A typical Delhi dude.. Keep the good work up.

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